Quirrell Sex!
by Quirrell-chan
Summary: This is just...twisted. If you think you're ready for the insane minds of Cassie and Grace, then please, click on the title and read ^^


DISCLAIMER: Severus (Sevi-chan!) Snape belongs to J.K Rowling, as does-  
  
Grace: No! He belongs to ME! He's mine, I tell you. Mine!  
  
DISCLAIMER: Umm.anyway.as does Professor Quirrell (Quirrell-chan!) and all other-  
  
Grace: Ooo! I wouldn't say that around Cassie. She's rather protective of Quirrell-chan. If she found out that this Rowling woman had laid claim to him.*tsks*  
  
DISCLAIMER: DAMMIT! ALL THE HARRY POTTER CHARACTERS MENTIONED IN THIS FIC ARE THE PROPERTY OF J.K ROWLING. SHE WROTE THE BOOKS AND CREATED THE CHARACTERS. YOU DID NOT! THEREFORE YOU DO NOT OWN THEM. I REPEAT: THEY BELONG TO J.K ROWLING!!!  
  
Grace: Did she create me and Cassie?  
  
DISCLAIMER: No.  
  
Grace: Then who did?  
  
DISCLAIMER: You did! You created yourself and Cassie created herself.  
  
Grace: Cool! So, that must make us Goddesses! And as Goddesses we command J.K Rowling to admit defeat!  
  
DISCLAIMER: GAH! CAN'T.TAKE.IT!!! * jumps off the roof.even though he/she/it's just a disclaimer and not even on a roof *  
  
Grace: Umm..now who's going to finish the disclaimer?  
  
Cassie: ^_^ I will! Sevi-chan is the property of Grace-chan and Grace-chan is the property of Sevi-chan. Quirrell-chan is the property Cassie-chan and Cassie-chan is the property of Quirrell-chan.  
  
Grace: Sounds good to me.  
  
**********  
  
  
  
"MCLEOD, GRACE!"  
  
Grace stood there, staring. It was so beautiful..  
  
"MCLEOD, GRACE?" McGonagall called again.  
  
"Who's that?" she asked no one in particular  
  
"Who?" asked Cassie, a girl who was standing next to Grace. She too had a dreamy look in her eyes, though they were directed at someone else.  
  
"The God in the black.", replied Grace.  
  
"Oh, I heard from someone on the train that he's head of Slytherin house. He's the only one that fits the description, anyway.", Cassie explained.  
  
"What's his-."  
  
"FOR THE FINAL TIME IS GRACE MCLEOD HERE!" McGonagall shouted.  
  
Grace blinked a few times, then finally acknowledged the Professor.  
  
"Yes, I'm here."  
  
"I've been calling and.Oh! Just get up here, Miss McLeod."  
  
Grace did so.  
  
"Miss McLeod, would you mind facing the OTHER way?"  
  
"But.but.I like it better this way!"  
  
"Miss McLeod, I'm warning you!"  
  
"OK! OK!"  
  
Grace spun around the sat there as McGonagall put the sorting hat on her head.  
  
"Hmm.The Hat whispered in her ear. I see a great deal of cleverness here.perhaps Ravencl-.."  
  
"NO!" Grace shouted, causing everyone in the room to jump. "YOU'RE NOT PUTTING ME IN FUCKING RAVENCLAW! YOU'RE PUTTING ME IN SLYTHERIN OR SO HELP ME, DAMMIT, I'LL RIP YOU APART AND @%t#$@%@ #$5 2 %2% 223% 2% 2%34 ^%^@%$^@#^%& &*(k*#$ ^#^@#$% &%#$%#$^!!!!!!"  
  
There was a little pause and then..  
  
"SLYTHERIN!"  
  
"WHOOHOO!" Grace exclaimed, jumping off the stool and joining the other Slytherins.  
  
A while later she saw the girl (whose name Grace had learned was WLADYSLAVA, CASSANDRA!) who had given her the information about the man who was now her head of house, walk up to the stool and sit down.  
  
McGonagall placed the hat on her head.  
  
"oooo!" the girl exclaimed in ecstasy. "Oooh! OOOOOHHH! OOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  
  
"Wladyslava, What in the!?!!"  
  
"Oh.Sorry, Professor. This Hat thingy was whispering sweet nothings about having rough sex with that turbaned fellow behind me."  
  
McGonagall ( O_o;  
  
Cassie was put in Slytherin as well, and sat down right next to Grace.  
  
Soon the sorting was over and the feast began.  
  
Grace quickly learned that the 'God in black' was Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master and Cassie learned the 'turbaned fellow' was Professor Owain Quirrell, Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. Both girls also quickly made friends with each other.  
  
"Hey! Let's go up there and see if they'll go steady with us!"  
  
"Yeah! Or at least have sex with us!"  
  
The girls walked up to the staff table. Grace stopped at Snape's side while Cassie moved over to Quirrell's.  
  
"Hello there. Severus, isn't it?" Grace said to the Potion's Master, glancing up quickly to see Cassie whispering something in Quirrell's ear.  
  
"Professor Snape to you." Snape said, coldly. "Now, go sit back down!"  
  
"Will you go out with me?"  
  
Snape closed his eyes. ::Can't kill students.Can't kill students.::  
  
::Can you date them? Or at least make sweet love to them?::  
  
"Gah!" Snape exclaimed, finally looking at the girl. "How did you do that?"  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Talk inside my head of course!"  
  
"Oh! That. That's just The Force."  
  
"Not that I care, but what in the world is-WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON UNDER THIS TABLE?"  
  
Grace and Snape both looked under the table.  
  
"Professor Quirrell, what do you think you're doing with this.this.girl?"  
  
"See?" Grace said "He's willing."  
  
"He's crazy. Just like you are."  
  
"Yes. CRAZY IN LOVE!" Grace exclaimed, attacking Snape. "OH! SAY YOU'LL BE MINE, SEVI-CHAN!"  
  
"Sevi-chan?"  
  
"Yes, it's going to be my new pet name for you!"  
  
"I don't need a pet-.."  
  
"Say! That sounds like a good idea. He can be Sevi-chan and Quirrell can be Quirrell-chan!" Cassie said.  
  
"You talk too much." Quirrell observed allowed.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
And they resumed going at it.  
  
"GET OFF ME!" Snape yelled.  
  
"BUT I LOVE YOU!"  
  
The rest of the Great Hall ( O_O  
  
Dumbledore ( ^______^  
  
Snape finally got away from Grace and ran over to Dumbledore.  
  
"Oh hello, Severus! Enjoying the Start of Term feast?" The old man said, beaming.  
  
"Enjoying the.haven't you even noticed the ruckus going on? One of the students keeps attacking me and Quirrell is having se-."  
  
"hinky dinky pinky puu!" Dumbledore declared.  
  
Snape( 0_o;  
  
"What was THAT for?" Snape asked.  
  
"Oh, that's the incantation to put Lucius Malfoy in lavender coloured tights. I just remembered it. Would you care for some potatoes, Severus?"  
  
"NO! Listen."  
  
"Come on..they're YUMMY potatoes." Dumbledore said, waving them under Snape's nose. "YUMMY! YUMMY!"  
  
"STOP WITH THE FUCKING POTATOES!" Snape screamed "THERE'S AN INSA-."  
  
"SEVI-CHAN! I'VE FOUND YOU!"  
  
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Snape yelled, jumping at the sound of Grace's voice.  
  
Before he could get away, Grace jumped him and pinned him down on the staff table infront of Dumbledore.  
  
"Now..isn't this much more comfortable?"  
  
"NO, it's NOT!" Snape said, trying to get up but finding the girl who was now sitting on top of him too strong.  
  
"Oh, then would you like to go to your bed or mine?"  
  
"I WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!"  
  
"Oh, Hello Grace." Dumbledore said, smiling. "Would you care for some potatoes?"  
  
"Mmm! What kind?"  
  
"Scalloped."  
  
"I'd rather have mashed." Grace admitted.  
  
"I'll go fetch you some!" Dumbledore said, and got up and left.  
  
"WAIT!" Snape yelled "Don't leave me with this.this.THIS!"  
  
Snape gasps as Grace starts to kiss his neck.  
  
"Someone! Anyone! HELP!" Snape pleaded.  
  
"Don't worry, Sevi-chan.I don't need any help. I can pleasure you all by myself!" Grace said.  
  
"I wasn't talking about help for YOU!"  
  
"Oh.well.I'm sure you'll be able to pleasure me without any help. You just need more confidence. Don't worry, you'll gain more after you lose your virginity."  
  
"Who said I was a virgin?"  
  
"Aren't you?"  
  
"It's none of your business!"  
  
"Don't worry.I'll be gentle your FIRST time."  
  
Dumbledore walks up, carrying a pot of mashed potatoes.  
  
"Here you are, young one. I'm afraid I wasn't able to get my hands on any gravy."  
  
"That's alright. Thank you very much, Professor." Grace said, taking the potatoes.  
  
Dumbledore leaned over and looked under the table, where Cassie and Quirrell were still having mad, passionate sex.  
  
"There you are, Professor Quirrell! I just wanted to tell you that the new books you ordered came in. They're in your office."  
  
"Thank you, headmaster." Quirrell said, then he and Cassie resumed.  
  
"Mmm!" Grace exclaimed "These potatoes are tasty! But not as tasty as you, my love!"  
  
Grace throws the pot of potatoes, hitting Draco Malfoy in the face.  
  
"PLEASE! I'M BEGGING YOU TO STOP THIS! IT'S NOT PROPER!"  
  
Grace gets off of Snape and brushes off her robes.  
  
"You're.you're going to leave me alone?" Snape asked, hopefully.  
  
Grace smiled. "Of course not, my love! I wouldn't be so cruel as to deprive you of myself when your love for me is so strong. We'll resume tomorrow."  
  
::If you're still alive:: Snape thought.  
  
::Don't worry! I will be. Not even Avada Kedavra could keep me away from you, Sevi-chan!::  
  
::Mental note.never think around this girl.::  
  
Grace knelt down and looked under the table.  
  
"Hey, Cassie! It's time to go."  
  
Cassie groaned (not moaned!). "Do I have to? We're just getting started!"  
  
"You DARE to question my word?" Grace said angrily. "PREPARE TO SUFFER!!!!!"  
  
"Ok! Ok!" Cassie said, and then turned her attention towards Quirrell. "She's right.we've both got class in the morning after all. I'll never get any sleep with all this great Quirrell sex!"  
  
Quirrell gave Cassie one final.well; let's just say it made her go 'OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' and then she went off with Grace, leaving a contented Quirrell, a bewildered Snape, a frightened Great Hall, and.  
  
"But you haven't even had dessert!" Dumbledore called after them.  
  
"He's right.I think I'd like some Quirrell sex for des-."Cassie began, turning back towards Quirrell.  
  
"No! You're coming with me." Grace said, grabbing Cassie by the arm and dragging her along.  
  
Five minutes later.  
  
"Please let me go back!" Cassie begged, trying to pull away from Grace, "I need more Quirrell sex!"  
  
Grace ignored the girl's pleas and soon they were at the entrance to the Slytherin House.  
  
"Uh." Grace said, staring at the wall, "We never got the password. I wonder what it could be."  
  
"I've got it!" Cassie exclaimed.  
  
Cassie stared at the wall with a determined look on her face, then said in a serious tone.  
  
"Quirrell sex."  
  
"IDIOT! That's never going to-."  
  
Both girls watched as the wall slid open.  
  
"Well I'll be damned." Grace said, mouth agape.  
  
Grace and Cassie entered the common room, the wall sliding shut behind them, then went up to the first year girl's dorm.  
  
"Dammit!" Cassie exclaimed. "So many beds and no Quirrell-chan to have Quirrell sex with!"  
  
Grace sighed. "At least you got some Quirrell sex. I haven't even gotten regular sex yet. I guess it's going to take a little time. It's obvious Sevi-chan is afraid of his want for me. Some people just can't handle pleasure."  
  
"Oh please!" a droll voice said.  
  
Both girls turned towards the door, where Draco Malfoy was standing.  
  
"How dare you stand outside this sacred place of womanhood!" Grace shouted.  
  
"Riight." Draco said "Tell me, where do you get the idea that Professor Snape has any interest in you whatsoever?"  
  
Grace stepped forward, a look of intense hatred in her eyes, and took out her wand.  
  
"Tell me, DRACO, why are you wearing a tutu?"  
  
Draco raised one of his eyebrows. "I'm not wearing a tutu. You're even more insane than I thought!"  
  
Catching on, Cassie stepped forward and took out her own wand. "Well, you will be if you don't know what's good for you."  
  
"I'd like to see you try!" Draco said in a challenging tone.  
  
Both girls raised their wands.  
  
"Are you sure?" Grace asked.  
  
"Yeah." Draco said. "I'm not afraid of you."  
  
"Ok." Cassie said.  
  
They both raised their wands high, then.  
  
"Umm.Cassie?" Grace whispered "Do you know the incantation to put Draco Malfoy in a tutu?"  
  
"I think so.here, I'll give it a try." Cassie whispered back. She then pointed her wand at Draco and shouted "QUIRRELL SEX!" A moment later Draco found himself in a pink tutu and ran off, crying.  
  
"How.?" Grace asked, staring at Cassie.  
  
"You have just witnessed only one of the many powers of Quirrell sex, young Grace. Heed me well! Only those who have mastered Quirrell sex can use it, for it is the ultimate of all ultimates! And it feels SOOOOOOOOO damn good too ^^"  
  
"You two make the perfect couple." Grace sighed. "Well, we'd best get off to bed."  
  
And this they did.  
  
A few hours later, when everyone else was asleep.  
  
"Psst!" Grace said. She opened the hangings of Cassie's bed a little and saw the other girl sitting upright, staring at her.  
  
"You couldn't sleep either, huh?" Cassie asked.  
  
Grace crawled onto Cassie's bed and sat Indian style, facing the other girl.  
  
"No. I keep thinking about Sevi-chan."  
  
"Yeah. I keep thinking about Quirrell-chan. I honestly don't think it's safe to go without Quirrell sex for this long."  
  
"I have an idea!" Grace said "Let's sneak out of here and go visit our sweethearts!"  
  
"Capital!" Cassie said, smiling. Her smile quickly faded though. "But I don't know where Quirrell-chan sleeps. We didn't do much talking during our session of Quirrell sex and you dragged me away so quickly that I didn't have a chance to ask."  
  
"Hmm." Grace said "Well, I have a plan to get Sevi-chan into his office. Once I do that we'll jump him and you'll help me restrain him. You can ask him where Quirrell-chan's private quarters are. Then I'm going to do something I make him happy."  
  
"Oh?" Cassie said, and then added in a suggestive voice "How exactly are you going to 'make him happy'?"  
  
Grace smiled. "I'm going to wash his hair!" 


End file.
